I have a person in my life who has never understood how to give constructive criticism, without the constructive the criticism is destructive. I was anguished for years as I was emotionally damaged due to this situation. Once I learned to set boundaries, the healing journey began, but it took years to overcome. Pointing out shortcomings, faults, and even sins can do further damage when done in the wrong manner. Harsh words of criticism bring discouragement to the soul of the listener. Especially when no words of edification are spoken. Our words either build up or tear down others especially those who are working alongside us in Kingdom work.
In the book of Nehemiah, we find a remnant of Jews working to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. Burdened for his Jewish kinsmen, Nehemiah had taken a leave of absence from serving as cupbearer to King Artaxerxes of Persia. Through much prayer and support from the King, Nehemiah met the challenge of leading a team to rebuild the wall.
Supplies were provided as was a group of willing laborers and craftsmen of the time. Nehemiah organized the project and set people in place to watch and work. But soon came the opposer Sanballat. He taunted the people with words meant to hinder the building process. He used ridicule, discouragement, and craft. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it?
I’ll paraphrase a few of Sanballat’s remarks: Will these feeble Jews build this wall by themselves? Will they finish?; Come now, and let us counsel together (his request to entrap Nehemiah). Before I shake my head in disbelief, I’m reminded of times I’ve doubted someone else’s ability or calling to labor. Lord, help me never be a Sanballat speaking defeating words over my family and friends.
The Lord is certainly speaking to me through this devotion. I need to speak edifying words over others because if corrupt communication damages me, it will damage them. Lord, help me to obey your word.
Let’s construct rather than deconstruct concerning others. May we all take heed of God’s instructions.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is food to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29
I used to have someone in my life who tore down rather than build up. I finally got to the point where I could respond gently to her about how much she hurt me. When I realized her hurtful past had shaped her this way and it was all she knew, it became easier to forgive her and pray for her.
There’s a fine line between encouragement and truth sometimes.
Candyce, there is a fine line between encouragment and truth. Truth words with love stings but are necessary. Harsh critisim without love wounds the soul. It is easier to understand when the person’s childhood causes them to be harsh yet the behavior is unacceptable. My person was close and also effected others I loved. It took me years to overcome and forgive.
Lisa, I join you in prayer that I may avoid destructive criticism and, instead, be an encourager. I have also been on the receiving end of constant hurtful criticism. It’s very difficult to recover from that kind of ongoing abuse. Thank you for focusing on this issue.
This is is a touch issue but some people, like myself, have felt the pain and emotional damage of constant criticism. Recovery is difficult yet possible. Thanks for our comment Katherine.