Caregiving interrupted our lives. Moods, erratic behavior, and sleepless nights replaced calm moments, consistent days, and deep sleep. Michael and I were empty nesters. We enjoyed our quiet life, except when the grandchildren were visiting, which we also enjoyed immensely.
The adjustment was difficult. I surrendered to obey God’s call to care for Mom, but surrendering my freedom and daily lifestyle was a process. Travelling to Cookeville at will, visits with the grands, writing time, church attendance, and even prayer and bible study time were all interrupted.
The transition from Mom’s apartment to our home was a rocky experience. She was suspicious. Our son-in-law Kyle built a ramp, which made mom think she was being placed in a place for old people or a nursing home. Mom accused me of having men in the house and trying to confine her or harm her. Her sundowners hit around 1:00 pm each day. She’d be angry when we didn’t pick up her children at school and when Michael arrived home from work. She’d manipulate ways to escape and exhibited aggressive behaviors. Pushing, shoving, and angry words occurred daily. Showers were a significant ordeal, as was eating regular meals. Resisting medicine called for crushing and adding it to orange juice or food. Sleep was sporadic, paranoia was constant, and we were exhausted.
We searched for answers and took action. Mood medicines and sleeping aids were added, and caregiving help was needed. I’m Mom’s primary caregiver, but my niece Destiny was willing to help. Choices of Tennessee provided nine hours a week, then thirteen, and finally thirty-two. Then, Destiny broke her leg and ankle, followed by an emergency appendectomy. I was left alone to provide Mom’s care for eight weeks. Two more caregivers and forty hours of help have been added. Thank God.
Amid caregiving challenges, I’ve continued spending time with my family and grandchildren. I’m still writing and publishing, and I’m cleaning three houses to help with my publishing pursuits. Two years ago, I would not have believed this possible. But God is good, His grace is sufficient, and He has made a way when I didn’t see the possibility.
Mom is now on a schedule. Her behavior is mainly controlled; she takes her medicines, eats, showers, and sleeps. We still have challenging days and weeks, but we’ve all adjusted. Her decline is evident, and we’ll see more changes in the coming months because dementia cannot be cured. Loving, coping, and perseverance are required to deal with this disease.
This journey brings grief, stress, fear, anxiety, exhaustion, and more. My spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being was threatened as I experienced burnout. My Jesus has been my only source of comfort and help. Without Him, I would not have progressed to where I am presently.
The past two and a half years took growth, humility, and surrender from denial to survival to acceptance. I have no bragging rights. I’m nothing. Jesus is everything.
Are you in a season of challenge? Child rearing, especially for children with special needs, caregiving, health problems, wayward adult children, financial difficulty, emotional issues, and mental anguish often plague humans. If you are experiencing painful interruptions to life as planned, look to him today. Jesus is a present help in times of trouble.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.
Psalm 46:1
Your commitment, dedication, and love for your mother are truly an example of the love Christ has for us. You’re a wonderful role model. Continuing to pray for you.