My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed:…. (Psalm 57:7)

My size five ring fit nicely on my finger. My fiancé Michael gave me the small cluster of tiny diamonds with a promise of a solitaire some day. 

     We married October 11, 1985, five months after our official engagement. Like the ring, our ceremony was sweet and simple. We were young and naïve with great hopes for a happy marriage.

     Within three months I felt disheartened. I expected more gifts and words of affirmation. I had no idea how to deal with my feelings, I simply felt them. I failed him too because I had no idea what he needed either! We were clueless as to how to meet each other’s needs and thus the struggle began.

     Our life became more complicated. We had our first child nineteen months after our wedding and I quit my job to raise her a year after her birth. With added financial stress and poor communication our marriage continued to suffer.  Having another baby three years later further strained our relationship. We both felt the lack. But through spiritual commitment, Bible study and marriage resources I learned what was lacking. I  prayed, I tried and I cried-repeatedly.

     Our third child was born in 1994. The pregnancy and birth added financial strain for Michael and emotional strain for me. We were in survival mode but our marriage was broken.

     In 1999, I felt our marriage would never be fixed. Much damage had taken place through the years as the neglect had turned to verbal abuse. Furthermore the promise of another ring was as unkempt as our marriage vows.

My heartfelt brokenness seemed beyond repair.

     Michael bought a marquise solitaire. But the fulfilled promise could not repair the damage. I desired to be honored which required more than a ring. He had skills to learn and I had a heart to fix.

     By the grace of God we stayed together but healing took time. We renewed our vows in 2010 to mark our recommitment. Thankfully, our cloudy marriage had a silver lining-three beautiful children. The past pain often blocked our view of a bright future together. Yet, we kept our commitment to our vows.

      Four months ago, I lost my marquise’ diamond from its setting but I wasn’t upset. The ring had nothing to do with the failure or success of our marriage. I now wear my original small cluster with a heart fixed on my marriage.

     The fix for a broken marriage is not quick. It takes a willingness to stay with a purpose to give God glory. I have learned a valuable lesson over the past thirty-seven years; the only way to fix a broken heart is to focus on God by singing and giving Him praise. The focus of marriage is not finding self-fulfillment but rather  focusing on God bringing Him glory. When we determine to sing and give praise to the only one capable of healing our broken hearts, it is then we are fixed.  

Oh God, my heart is fixed; I will sing and give praise, even with my glory. (Psalm 108:1)